Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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