Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
