you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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