my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
