thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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