just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
