Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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