what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize