it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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