I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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