no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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