No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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