I want to make a zoo with you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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