Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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