I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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