The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
