I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I am morally bankrupt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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