the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
