My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize