Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
