Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
