The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
