coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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