Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
