Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize