so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
