one two three fourrrrnication!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
