Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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