you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize