I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
