Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
