I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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