I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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