I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
