respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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