My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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