Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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