so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
