i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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