This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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