He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
