yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
