Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize