i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
