I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
false alarm. still invincible.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
