dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
