watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
