Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
