He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
