What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
