Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
