There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
