dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
