I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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