His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
