Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
