Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
