So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
