I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
