Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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