apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize