there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
