also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just googled if crying burns calories
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize