Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
