I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
