I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
