Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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