my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
