There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're like the curious george of whores
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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