no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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