you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
