there's paper in my vomit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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