It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
