we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
