The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think i got beer on your cat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
