Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
