Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
